Shredded
by Shmegel
Summary: Blaine has a secret, and Kurt finds out.  Wow. Great description.  MAY BE TRIGGERING.  Please do not read this if you trigger easily. Be careful.  Also, This is incomplete. I plan to write more. Please review! :D
1. Chapter 1

It was a regular Warbler meeting. Kurt sat with the rest of the members before the council, who was going over all kinds of minute details. Kurt wasn't paying attention in the least. He was focusing on Blaine sitting next to him, looking so perfect in his Dalton uniform. Kurt could not believe his luck. Blaine looked over at Kurt and flashed him a bright, happy smile. Kurt returned it, then looked back at the council members.

One Warbler had just made a suggestion, which the rest of the group seemed to disapprove of, as they started to loudly argue. Wes picked up his gavel, "Order! Order!" he shouted, repeatedly slamming it onto the table. In the confusion, the gavel slipped from Wes' hands, falling to the floor.

"I'll get it!" the always helpful Blaine immediately suggested. The room was still arguing as he stood up. Kurt followed him with his eyes, amused at how readily he responded to the need for assistance.

Blaine bent down to reach for the gavel, and as he did so, the sleeve of his uniform slid slightly up his arm.

Kurt was shocked and scared at what he saw. He must have seen it wrong. Blaine took the gavel and handed it back to a heated Wes. He turned to return to his seat, smiling at Kurt joyfully. Kurt closed his gaping mouth and smiled back.

Blaine sat down next to Kurt and made himself comfortable. He draped an arm lazily and tenderly over Kurt's shoulder. Kurt looked over his own arm at the one resting on his shoulder. The sleeve had come up again. There was no mistaking it.

Around ten cuts, some scarred, some fresh, were stretching straight across Blaine's wrist.

Kurt looked around him. No one else seemed to notice. He was scared. He needed a moment.

Kurt suddenly raised his hand high in the air, as Blaine hastily pulled his own arm away, and Kurt asked to use the restroom, with an an unexpectedly shrill voice. The council immediately allowed him. Kurt walked out the door, Blaine grinning widely and obliviously at him.

Kurt walked through the halls, his hands over his face. "No, no, no, no, no," he whispered. It can't be. Blaine's happy with his life, he's not depressed. Why should there even be new cuts since they had been together? Didn't Blaine love him enough to be happy? Why had he never noticed? Did anyone else know?

Kurt stood shaking in an empty bathroom. He looked into the mirror. His face looked like he had been crying. He probably had. He was so scared for Blaine. He went over to the sink and splashed water on his face. This can't be happening._ This can't be happening_. Blaine.

Should he tell Blaine that he knows? Would it make it worse? He had to tell him. He had to make it better. Somehow.

He walked slowly back into the choir room. The argument was still going strong with most of the Warblers. Kurt sat next to an innocently happy looking Blaine. Kurt took the concerned wrist gently in his own soft hands. Blaine looked at him curiously, some fear lurking behind his eyes.

"I know." Kurt whispered simply.

Blaine quickly withdrew his wrist, pulling it back toward himself, tracing his scars and cuts with his fingers. After a moment of hesitation, he stood and left, concealing his hurt face from view with his hand. Kurt watched defeatedly. No one had even noticed Blaine leave but him. No one else had even noticed the cuts in the first place, he could tell by Blaine's expression.

Kurt strained to hold in his tears for the rest of the meeting. Blaine did not return. Kurt was worried. This would be even harder than he thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Blaine was home alone. After running from the school, he needed relief. He was shaking and short of breath. The world was spinning and crashing into pieces around him. He felt dizzy and nauseous. His head and stomach were aching. His eyes were streaming with tears. There was a lump in his throat the size of his fist. His ears and eyes burned. His whole body ached and sweated. His shoulders felt weighed down and his forehead was on fire. He felt a pressure on his lungs and stomach.

He ran into the bathroom feeling terribly sick and lost his lunch. He was still burning and shivering. He had to cool down, so he jumped into the shower. He couldn't stop shaking. Kurt saw. He saw. _He knew_.

Blaine sat rocking on the floor of the shower. He knew he shouldn't do this. But he had to get the pain out. Taking his razor from its place, Blaine let the water run over his vulnerable body. He thought about why he was doing this for an instant.

No one had ever known about this, one of Blaine's only secrets. No one had even ever noticed or asked. No one cared, which is why the cuts were there in the first place. What would happen to him? Would Kurt tell anyone? Kurt was very caring, so if he thought someone needed help, he would probably ask an adult for it. Blaine could not let that happen, even if Kurt had the best intentions. If an adult found out, Blaine would probably have to go to a mental institution or something.

And if students found out, that would be the worst. News spread quickly at schools like Dalton. Everyone would know. They would think he was some sort of freak or monster. What human likes pain? Why would he hurt himself? Wouldn't that make it worse?

They would never understand. He didn't like pain. He needed to fix the numbness that came from feeling too much pain, to put it all in a better place and take his mind off his struggling inside.

They should have seen Blaine before the blade. He was a mess. Alone. Sure, he got all the attention when he was singing, but when he was quiet, no one noticed him at all. He tried his best at everything, to love everyone, but still nobody noticed. Every time he saw a pair of scissors, a paperclip, a staple, a razor, or any other sharp object, he thought about the pain taking him away from it all. He had to physically pull himself away from it to keep himself from hurting himself in front of everyone.

The will got stronger. He snapped himself with rubber bands, scratched his arm with his fingernails, anything that would take his mind off it without leaving marks. One night was particularly bad, and unbearably lonely. He cut himself for the first time that night. The relief was so extreme that he could not stop, and continued to do so at least once every week, until he had a nice collection of scars on his wrist.

Blaine had just pressed the blade to his skin, and slid it across until a deep new cut was resting on his wrist along with the other scars. The relief came instantly. He was still sobbing, but he felt less heated and his shaking slowed. Blood covered the floor and continued to seep from his wound. He felt weak. He slumped down at the bottom of the shower. He rested there, crying, for almost half an hour, waiting for the blood to stop.

The warm water was running out. He stood up slowly, stumbling slightly from a loss of blood, and turned off the stream of water. He felt guilty. Like he was disappointing those who loved him. He shrugged it off, leaving a note on his bedroom door saying that he was sick and needed rest for his parents when they were to return.

Blaine crawled between the sheets of his bed for some early sleep, to get his mind off the future, while pains throbbed in his stomach and chest.

Not long after he fell asleep, Blaine's cellphone rang.


	3. Chapter 3

Blaine awoke, dazed by his quickly shattering nightmares. His cell phone was ringing on the table beside his bed. He stretched his arm toward the phone, wincing slightly as the scabbing cuts on his arms stung with movement. He pulled the phone toward his eyes, still slightly blurred with sleep.

Squinting at the small screen, Blaine could make out the words "Kurt Hummel."

His heart skipped a beat as usual, but this time not out of love, but of fear.

Blaine sat up in his bed. He knew this day would come. He always knew someone would find out eventually. He knew, but why did Kurt have to be the first to find out? Blaine was scared of what could happen to their relationship. One of his friends or family members finding out first wouldn't be such a big deal. He knew that they would think he was a freak and then probably leave him alone. But Kurt was entirely different. Blaine couldn't let Kurt leave him. He finally had found someone who at least made him a little happier. He couldn't ruin that.

Blaine sighed, then listened for a moment to see if his parents had come home while he slept, to make sure that they would not hear this conversation. He sighed again. They were never home anyway. Blaine answered the phone.

"Blaine, it's me, Kurt. I was just asking, well, if you're okay."

There was a pause.

"No," Blaine said shakily, "I'm not."

"Listen, I never meant to upset you. I just wanted to help. Self-harm is a serious-"

"I don't want your help!" Blaine nearly screamed into the phone. He knew that he wasn't really angry. He was scared.

Kurt was a bit taken aback, but he was patient. He listened as Blaine continued to stumble over his angry words.

"It's not a problem, it makes me feel better. I don't want to be helped."

"It is a problem. You are hurting yourself. You need help. At least tell me, honey, how long this has been going on?"

Kurt tried to sound calm while choking back tears. Blaine didn't want help. Kurt couldn't stand to just sit back and watch anyone hurt Blaine, even Blaine himself. He had to know what started this, and when Blaine started to cut. Maybe he could help to change the situation a little, make it easier to cope naturally.

"None of your business," Blaine snapped.

Blaine didn't really know why he was acting so mean. Kurt was the real reason he didn't want to talk about it. Blaine didn't want to lose him. So why was he doing this? Kurt would hate him more. And Blaine would be all alone again.

At that final statement, Blaine hung up the phone without saying goodbye.

He threw himself into his pillow and wept. It felt like he was having to choose between his happiness or love. He would hold onto both as long as he could, but both would be so hard to let go. Blaine felt sick again.

Kurt didn't know how to feel. Maybe this was a sensitive subject for Blaine? The couple had always told each other everything. Why was Blaine hiding this? Kurt felt like he could help him. At least Blaine picked up the phone. Kurt had been worried that he wouldn't answer because of how shaken up Blaine had seemed before. Blaine had also sounded weak and sick over the phone, like he had been crying. Kurt was scared. What if he had caused Blaine to cut again?

Blaine realized that Kurt wasn't scared of him or going to insult him. He wanted to help. Even if Blaine wanted help, he wouldn't go for it. Kurt could only aid him to an extent. After he would do all he could, Kurt would probably send Blaine off to a mental institution somewhere. Blaine could never accept this. He had a life. He had friends. He was an Honor Roll student with a whole life ahead of him. Not some crazy person who needed to be locked up. He could never let his bright future go. Blaine could do nothing but hope that Kurt wouldn't tell anyone.


End file.
